“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”
― Mark Twain
“The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
― Mark Twain
“′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read.”
― Mark Twain
“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
― Mark Twain
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
― Mark Twain
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
― Mark Twain
“Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.”
― Mark Twain
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
― Mark Twain
“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”
― Mark Twain
“If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.”
― Mark Twain
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”
― Mark Twain
“The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.”
― Mark Twain
“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
― Mark Twain
“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
― Mark Twain
“The secret to getting ahead is getting started.”
― Mark Twain
“A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.”
― Mark Twain
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
― Mark Twain
“April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.”
― Mark Twain
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
― Mark Twain
“Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.”
― Mark Twain
“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.”
― Mark Twain
“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.”
― Mark Twain
“If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.”
― Mark Twain
“There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.”
― Mark Twain
“The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.”
― Mark Twain
“Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.”
― Mark Twain
“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”
― Mark Twain
“Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.”
― Mark Twain
“In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.”
― Mark Twain
“There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”
― Mark Twain
“Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.”
― Mark Twain
“Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one's head.”
― Mark Twain
“The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”
― Mark Twain
“Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.”
― Mark Twain
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.”
― Mark Twain
“He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.”
― Mark Twain
“When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.”
― Mark Twain
“Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.”
― Mark Twain
“It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!”
― Mark Twain
“I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.”
― Mark Twain
“Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are pliable.”
― Mark Twain
“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.”
― Mark Twain
“Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size.”
― Mark Twain
“A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.”
― Mark Twain
“While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.”
― Mark Twain
“It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.”
― Mark Twain
“In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.”
― Mark Twain
“Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.”
― Mark Twain
“for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.”
― Mark Twain
“To do good is noble. To tell others to do good is even nobler and much less trouble.”
― Mark Twain
“There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.”
― Mark Twain
“They did not know it was impossible so they did it”
― Mark Twain
“Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”
― Mark Twain
“Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.”
― Mark Twain
“Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.”
― Mark Twain